Loving you and losing you
A post that was meant to be a pregnancy announcement quickly shifted for us into the sharing of our sad news...
I shared this post on social media to be vocal about my pregnancy loss and to start to share my story of miscarriage in hopes to help someone else. I wasn’t sure what to share at first, so I just shared a little. I’ll share more one day soon, when I find the words. But for now…
This is my story. Or at least, what I'm ready to share, because to me, I can't keep quiet. You were real and you were mine and I want to speak on that.
Excitement before the news
For weeks I loved my baby growing within my womb, excited and blessed to grow into this new role of motherhood and parenthood. For weeks, I loved you and watched you change my body. I watched my belly slowly grow and my abs disappear. I watched my smile grow and that "glow" appear. I read to you, sang to you, and talked to you. I prayed for you and hoped for a healthy and happy baby. I shared our happy news with family and friends and watched them jump with joy and excitement for us.
Then everything changed.
I started feeling worried and stressed and anxious and more moody. I wondered if something was wrong but patiently waited for our first appointment hoping to hear and see you for the first time. But that didn't happen. Instead, we got the worst news of all. We were told you stopped growing and our pregnancy wasn't viable. My heart broke.
I've never experienced loss like this. My heart aches for all the things I won't be able to teach you, for all the moments we will no longer be able to share, and for your life that was taken too soon. My hearts hurts.
Nobody talks about this, not often anyways. It's scary and heartbreaking and unexpected and one of the hardest things I ever had to hear and accept. Miscarriage. The words are like knives stabbing me in the heart. How? Why? Questions spiraling in our brains.
I never knew just how hard loss and grief could be until I lost you. But I thank you for choosing me anyways. For gifting me the moments we did share. For making me a mama, no matter how short it lasted. For bringing me and your Daddy closer together as we lean on each other for support and love through this entire process.
I know that the Universe has a plan for us and that one day you will come back to us when it's time. One day you'll come back to bring us more love, strength, and happiness than we could have ever imagined. One day.
Until then little one - I love you 💕✨
