How I found my family, friends, community, and support system that lifted me up during the hardest time of my life, and details into my pregnancy loss story.

You never realize the circle you surround yourself with until your life turns upside down, or you go through a tragedy, or you face a difficult challenge, and you need that circle more than ever.

Throughout the years, we build our own family. We find new relationships, we make new friends, we see old friends slip away, we lose loved ones, we grow, we create boundaries, we struggle with trust, and we navigate the difficulties of relationships. I truly believe people come into our lives for a reason. Some people come through your life briefly, like a short visit; other people come in your life and stay by your side through thick and thin. Some people leave before either of you wanted to part ways, and other people are almost too hard to cut ties with. No matter the relationship, how it begins or ends, or who it is; I fully believe we’re given the opportunity (because it is a choice; our choice) to learn and grow from each and every relationship we have.

I also believe life isn’t meant to be lived alone. Yes, some people are more quiet, or keep to themselves, or don’t have lots of family or friends. But I believe those who find and build a community, no matter how big or small, lead happier lives. Life is hard. Community makes life feel better, more supported, happier, funnier, warmer, more exciting, and lighter.

Life has its ups and downs; some more extreme than others. When you hit your downs, having a community of people to help lift you up, can literally be life saving. 10/10 recommend finding your people. I found mine and am so grateful for them.

My guy <3

I remember taking this on Thanksgiving and looking at it, thinking,
“I look sad”

I hit a big down this November when we found out we lost our pregnancy. If you read my previous blog post, you read our first part of our story. I wasn’t sure how to talk about our loss, but I knew that I needed to, as part of my grieving process. You can read about it in my next blog post. The story of our pregnancy loss.

For now, I want to talk about the people who supported me.

My mom was a huge rock for me, she flew up from Florida as soon as she could to stay with me for a week. I am so glad she came. The days between finding out and actually physically miscarrying are a blur; one day kind of just melts into the next, not certain of what happened when.

It was a Tuesday.

A week from the day we found out. Travis gently kissed me goodbye and squeezed me signaling the fact he wished he didn’t have to leave. It was early. I remember him saying goodbye before his trip, but I remember being so sleepy and also in pain. I was scared to wake up, or to get up. I wanted to fade back into my sleep so it wouldn’t happen. But I could tell it was happening. I just knew. I was starting to miscarry naturally.

I couldn’t have done this alone, and I’m glad my mom was there.

Let me rewind… we had our first appointment on 11/23/21 which was two days before Thanksgiving (yeah, I know right?). That’s when we found out the news…

Friends you can count on

After finding out and having time to grieve and cry together at home, my friend Adriana came over later that afternoon. I wanted to be with Travis, but also know he needed space to process and grieve alone. I can never express my gratitude enough for my friend coming over right after I found out the news of our miscarriage. I remember wondering if I would regret having a friend come over, but as soon as she came back to my room to see me I was instantly glad she was there. She just asked what I needed and I told her to just hold me, so she did. We laid in my bed and cried and watched The Holiday. It was just nice to have someone there to cry with, to just hold me in my sadness.

Family you gain through love

Travis’ mom came into town the following day, just a day before Thanksgiving to spend the holiday with us, and I was so happy we had that trip planned in advance because it was really nice to have family be here with us. I was also grateful to have her join my Dad’s side for Thanksgiving; an extremely blended family event. It was fun, but I just remember lots of people and lots of food. I smoked so much weed to hide the pain I was feeling that I don’t even remember the details. We spent time together, that’s what mattered. We went out to eat a lot.

I don’t remember much to be honest, the days following that first appointment were kind of a blur.

I bought this dress so I’d have room for my growing belly, I still wanted to wear it so I added a belt. I remember thinking I looked sad and also super high in all these pictures.

There is no love like a mother’s

My mom arrived Saturday evening after Travis’ mom left that morning. My mom was with me for a week, while Travis had to leave for travel on Tuesday. Just a week after finding out, Travis had to go away, so I was so grateful my mom was there with me. After waiting in our dark bedroom, trying to ignore the pain, I knew I needed to get up and just let whatever was about to happen, happen. My mom heard me waking, and came into the hallway. She was with me through it all. I needed her there. I’m so grateful I wasn’t alone. I’m so grateful she held me. She stayed for several days until her flight back home. It wasn’t the most fun trip, but I was so happy to have someone to just be with.

Friends that are fun help brighten your light

In the midst of my mom leaving, my friend Scarlett from college came down to visit for the weekend. It was nice to go out, have fun, have girls time, and to feel normal again for a bit. She’s one of those friends who brings me to life, ya know? She immediately makes me want to party, have fun, laugh, drink, joke around. She’s just fun energy and I’ve always loved that about her. I don’t have many friends from high school or college, but I am so glad that Scarlett and I stay in touch. Our visits may not be as often as we would both like, but the friendship always remains strong.

These girls are my shining stars that helped light the way during a really difficult and seemingly dark time of my life.

The emotions come in waves, just like good days and bad, they come and go, here and there, weaving into our life.

Amongst the several weeks of visitors and then a surge of silence, we received so many cards, gifts, meals, gift cards, books, poems, words of love and sympathy, and just endless support. They say, when life gets you down, you’ll find out who your true friends and family are. We did exactly that. We found our friends, neighbors, family, and loved ones all around us lifting us up, checking in on us, and loving us. Our hearts are full and our Hope is with us all.

Thank you to everyone who is a part of our lives. Your energy and spirit brighten our lives even through the smallest acts of kindness.

Hope is with you. Hope is with me. Hope is all around us.

Finding your family