I stepped away during my grief

Grief is really difficult to navigate. Nobody can prepare you for grief. Every experience with grief is different; different for every person; different for each time needing to grieve. The best advice I can offer is to do what “they” say; take grief day by day and allow your journey with it to be what you need it to be.

This is my story with grief.

At first, I was devastated. I felt really alone in my grief, which I obviously was (because nobody can experience my grief the way I am, even if they are grieving too, it’s different). I felt this need to vent and express and writing my previous few blog posts, I think that was my outlet. I didn’t find any grief groups, support groups, and after splitting up with my partner (whom I experienced the miscarriage with), my life felt lonely. It didn’t feel lonely because we weren’t together anymore, it felt lonely because I felt empty, and I also knew nobody could relate to my experience, so I really didn’t feel like I had support. Yes, I had people reach out and support me and love me.

I had this urge and need to really talk about it though. I cried a lot. All the dates are getting to me(like my due date). I guess that’s where my openness in the beginning of my grief came from. Then I just closed off. I hid in my grief and my days that I was sad, I often wanted to be alone and just cry.

Most of the time, I’m okay. Each day is different. Most days I don’t think about it much anymore. Random days, random things become a trigger and a little part of me gets sad. I assume that’s really the journey of grief. I’ve learned I have to live with it. It does not consume me anymore. I am me. My grief lives a little within me and a little around me. I move through each day, finding things that make me happy, experiencing life in an exciting way, not missing out on unique opportunities, and taking chances, because life is meant to be an adventure.

That’s what I’ve learned. No adventure comes with ease. It’s the challenge and struggle that makes the adventure so worth it. The moments you can still find beauty in your journey with grief. The moments that still make you smile. The memories that bring those happy tears to your eyes. The feelings that are yours to keep to yourself, forever.

So, I kind of stepped away from my grief, I took a pause to find ways to control my emotions again. I found tools that help me realize when my grief and other emotions get triggered or heightened and how to ground and calm myself.

I still have hard days and I still am navigating, but really, that’s all a part of my adventure of life.

Maybe part of my sharing my journey with grief helps you too.

Be gentle with yourself, love yourself, be patient, be kind, and choose your own adventure.

With love + Hope, forever + always,

Allie